Calfreezy X Hawksmoor = The BURGURR

Much as these Bitches love a little fine dining, and a bucketload of fizz, the promise of the ultimate burger is just too much to resist. So, here we are - napkins at the ready - about to have our say on a collaboration between burger-obsessed YouTuber Calfreezy and Hawkmoor’s Executive Chef Matt Brown. Its saucy name: the BURGURR!

Though not wishing to shoot one’s load in the second paragraph, we’re easing ourselves in with Jersey Rock oysters and many a cheeky Pina Colada. OOSH.

Fabulously strong and wonderfully creamy, we are LOVING this cocktail. Our only suggestion for improvement? Placing it in an actual coconut, next to a sun-drenched infinity pool, and having it served by a ridiculously good-looking, rather shirtless waiter. 

But we digress, in more ways than one. For now we’re thinking it would be a tragedy not to try a few starters en route. So alongside a cheeky Vinho Verde, we’re diving into a wonderfully punchy salad of Smoked Mackerel with new potatoes & horseradish.

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Equally as joyful is the Potted Beef & Bacon, which you’re invited to liberally spread on to Yorkshire pudding, then bathe in a rich, dark, onion gravy. Delicious, decadent, and dopamine-inducing - we’re big fans. 

Which brings us, finally, to the main event: THE BURGURR - a glorious and limited edition, boasting two dry-aged beef patties, American cheese, smoky streaky bacon, gherkin, and raw white onion, brought together in a soft milk bun.

Yorkshire Pudding with Potted Meat

And it comes complete with beef-dripping fries, boasting perfect seasoning, plus a highly recommended peppercorn sauce. 

Two bites in, we’re dangerously close to declaring: FIVE STARS. DING DING DONG! Because seriously, there’s been an extraordinary amount of thought into this thing.

The milk bun is both pillowy, yet strong enough so that it doesn’t disintegrate half-way down one’s designer blazer.  The beef beautifully tender. The bacon generous, with exactly the right amount of crisp. The gherkin chopped, so you have zing throughout, rather than one aggressive burst. And the burger sauce? A triumph of tang.

Best of all, unlike so many modern monstrosities, it can actually be eaten with your hands. No compulsory deconstruction. No sauce running down both arms. Just a generous, beautifully balanced burger that  - as nature intended - fits into the formidable mouth of a Social Bitch.

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Although utterly satiating on its own, we somehow manage to carry on. Squeezing in yet more wine, plus the gorgeous 20th Birthday Cake with Cru Virunga chocolate, hazelnut ganache, and oodles of cream. As well as heavenly Spiced Pineapple & Mango Pavlova with tequila sauce. Both worthy of applause. 

But our main reason for rapture is most definitely the Burgurr. What Matt & Calfreezy have created is indulgent without being ridiculous. Its every component is perfectly curated, and the sum of its parts exceptional. These burger-loving Bitches salute you!

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Hawksmoor  - 23 West Register Street, EH2 2AA

Mon - Sat 12-10pm / Sun 11:45am - 9pm

The BURGURR is limited edition, £25 with beef dripping fries